1. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
2. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
3. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
4. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
5. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
6. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
7. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
8. Honk and wave to strangers.
9. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
10. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
11. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
12. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
13. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
14. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
15. Ask people what gender they are.
16. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
17. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
18. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
19. Wear a LOT of cologne.
20. Sing along at the opera.
21. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
22. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
23. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something
about "psychological profiles."
24. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
25. Never make eye contact.
26. Never break eye contact.
27. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
28. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
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